secrets

What's your secret?

For the first time in my life, I'm scared the path I've chosen for myself at 5 years old is wrong for me. Not because I reject it, but because it keeps rejecting me, like a bad organ transplant. I wonder if anything can substitute natural aptitude--a question that rarely occurs to me because I've so often had it on my side. For this, I do not.

The older I get the more my tears are for things, not people. People change. People can be left. People are also fundamentally good, their first mantra always to do no harm. Things make no such promise. They are hard and immutable and devoid of moral value. My secret is that I've attached my desires to the wrong category. Perhaps to the wrong Thing. My secret is that the sunk costs have become insurmountably high. My secret is that the option to quit (never an attractive one) is no longer available. My secret is that I can only fight. And that I might lose.

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