I am about to be at the breaking point. This week just keeps getting bigger and bigger. The difference between life's previous swift punches and today's--is that in the former case I had felt helpless and passive, and I had saved myself only by licking my wounds after the fact with people who were there for me (suffice to say I'm so very grateful for this). However, in today's dealings, I've decided to take a decidedly more active approach. This injustice I will fight for. I'm so sick of the same people sensing passivity on my part and drawing whatever damn implications they want and forming underhanded moves from it. The things is, the consequences might pan out the same way as if I had done nothing at all. However, I've tasted the thrill of standing my ground when it comes to territory I thought I've already won, and defending it tonight felt maddening, but also empowering, and, dare I say it? Enlivening. Agency feels just as good as another's soothing caresses and well intentioned words. Better I've found it now, I suppose, before dust can settle, than finding myself in some post-war situation, where pieces flutter and litter all around, while the camera pans towards me, sitting on the ground, not having bothered to stand up at all.
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