Tuesday, August 3, 2010

inarticulations

I’ve been feeling out of sorts all day. I had such a long day at work, 6 hours of stuffing paper into transparent sheet protectors led to hours of mind wandering. And this, in combination with a background of indiscernible and irksome noise, led to a general panorama-like view of--what else--the most popular topic my autopilot conscious fixates on. Against the black and white static, the two horizons, one before me and one behind, both seem definitively and equally bleak. (Although, think back to the last rainbow your eyes met, wasn't it against a gray blend of sky and land? And if you were really lucky, you saw two rainbows, the main act and its shadow, slightly blurred and nowhere as bright. The second--let's call it the phantom--at least makes a dependable appearance on my mind's stage, though it never shakes off its identity as the understudy.)

Usually this thread leads to a surge of depression or cautious optimism, depending on my mood. But today it just led to frustration. I just feel generally pissed off. A virtually target-less frustration. How can something you spend so much time thinking about not even be part of your real life? Is that even within the realm of sanity? I just want to get out of the skin of my life for a while. Maybe try on someone else's for size.

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